Moving On

This past shift has been spent sorting out priorities, and clearing out influences in my life that I no longer need or want. I had an in-depth talk with Brighid about my work with the Cill, and with the forum on which it is hosted. For various reasons that I won’t get into here, I found it necessary to leave TC…which means I am out of the Cill too.

I’m not going to stop my work with Brighid, and I’m not closing this blog down either, but the focus is shifting slightly. I am going to open this up to some others who may be interested. I toyed with the idea of starting my own Cill, but I just don’t have the time or energy right now for that sort of commitment.

I have found that clearing some of the stuff out of my life that I just don’t have it in me to deal with right now has been an intense, but very healing experience. It frees me up for more important things, for one thing. I left behind a lot that I cared about, but I feel it was the right choice and I stand by my decision. I can devote the energy that I would have spent there to my studies, to various personal projects that have lain neglected for far too long.

 

Signs From… ?

Lately, it seems that the insect world has been trying to help me through my depression. Lately, it’s been very bad. 

But it seems that someone’s looking out for me. The other day, after I had a particularly bad day, I went to the window in frustration. And nearly had a heart attack when I saw a firefly drifting outside of my window, blinking slowly. Its neon-yellow light flickered lazily, and it too drifted lazily around the window, as though it were waiting for me. It drifted up and up towards the dark night sky, blinking softly, and then it was gone.

I couldn’t speak, or think. I was captured by this swift, lightning-bolt (har har) beauty–a pure moment out of a day of so many muddled ones. I had been feeling so alone that day, so alone right up to that very moment, and instead, was surprised by a light blinking in the dark, lonely, but not alone.

 

But it didn’t stop there. 

I go for walks, and I sit in the park when it gets bad. I usually bring a book. 

So, Tuesday, the first nice day in a quite a while (though it feels like forever) I go to one of my favourite parks here in Philadelphia to read in (Independence Park, right behind Independence Hall–yeah, that one!), and settle in. I try hard to concentrate on my book, but instead just start feeling really low. I can barely think. I can barely feel. I feel very much alone in the world.

All of a sudden, this black thing swoops once, twice, right near my knee. And suddenly, it lands on the page of my book.

This guy:

The Red Admiral

He stays there for a good five minutes, and we just stare at one another. I accidentally flick a page, and he’s gone again. And my heart is completely lifted out of the dark place it’s been in.

The rest of the day I spend there, I watch out for him. And he lands again–three times on my page. I can’t take my eyes off him and I can’t help it–I tear up. I’m amazed by such beauty

After a while, he swoops and flitters around the area of the bench I’m sitting on, going further and further away, like he’s trying to get my attention. Finally, he lands on the bench again on the opposite arm, and I take it as a sign to leave. I do.

 

Today, I go back to the same bench. 

And lo and behold, he lands on my book again, and once more, later, on my knee. I’m overjoyed to see him, and though I’m aware that it’s probably not the same little guy who visited me before, it makes me feel good to think so. As I leave again, I see him dancing in the air with another–a female perhaps. It reminds me that we are never alone in this world, no matter what we may think.

Berlioz, as I’ve named him, is yet another powerful, though gentle reminder of just how blessed I really am. Butterflies, and fireflies, may or may not be traditional symbols of Brighid, but I know that whenever I see one now, I will feel Her there with me–a sign that I am never alone.

 

A Midsummer Poem

This Midsummer, I’m focusing on a primary mystery of Brighid–the “fire on water,” or, more specifically, “sunlight on water,” as a manifestation of that mystery.

As I focus on my creativity, on my spirituality and my emotional and physical well-being, I adopt the image of a river, sparkling with sunlight, to help me maintain the flow of physical and emotional energy (water) and the spark and energy of creativity and spirituality (fire) in my life. I feel like I’ve been doing very well in myself lately, and I want to maintain that, and not get drained or burned out (double puns, sorry).

So, after I did a small ritual to help me maintain that energy and spark that creativity, I wrote this poem:

 

Hunting Artifacts

I devoted this shift in large part to healing myself, my energy, and to learning to take better care of myself. Gods know I need it!!! I did some work on my energy, and then I spent some time writing in my long neglected journal.

Inspiration struck, and I found a journal that my dad had given me…blank unlined pages…and a pen. I had left them, wrapped, in my closet. I had been meaning to start a quote journal. So here it is! I have not started it yet, but I will soon.

This evening I went looking for Native American artifacts. We didn’t find any, but we did find an AMAZING place. A stream, worn, and weathered rocks, so beautiful. Deep, carved pools. Next time we go there I’m taking my camera.

 

My Indigo Went Bust

Last time it was my India Ink, this time it was my indigo. Apparently, some moisture got in it somehow. It was toast.

SO…not wanting to give up my Brighid-dedicated body art, I grabbed a Bic Crystal pen and started drawing!!! I actually love the Bic. The design lasts longer, and is a lot clearer. I really enjoy creating the art, too- as much or more than the indigo. I may stick with this, for practicality as well as aesthetics.

I spent the evening in some meditation, and I worked on my therapy homework. This was a very rewarding experience, actually. I also did a little bit of journaling.

I had planned on starting my studies of the LBAC tonight, but I’m tired enough that I don’t think I could do it and have it ’stick’. Or even manage to get through it without my eyes swimming. I’ve been working 9 hour days this week and it’s been stressful all around. I’m exhausted.

I’m feeling a pull to get going on my creative work again. It’s been slow going in that department. I may just pick up my pen and have at my other leg tonight.

 

A Little Bit of Flamekeeping Angst

Sorry. I’ll keep it brief.

 

Cowries!!

This shift was dedicated to creating, and learning to use, a set of cowries for divination (Gwyddon style!!!). The cowries are beautiful, and I have had relatively good success using them for the first time. I did have a good time trying to find a lost cowrie in the middle of ritual, though.

This time around I tried something a bit different with  my indigo dye. I combined it with India ink in order to get a two-tone design. It was pretty cool, but unfortunately my India ink is toast. The container somehow ceased to be air tight, and it was a thick mess when I went to use it. I watered it down some, but it still wasn’t the same. Was no longer waterproof, and started to wear easily. I wound up washing it off later in the night. I’ll try again, but with better ink.

Last night I did a one card Tarot reading to try to discern what I should do in order to enjoy the time I have with a close friend and stop worrying about our relationship. The answer: I need to listen more. When I got down stairs, to my surprise, he had messaged me during my Cill work. We chatted until 12:30 AM or so.

It occurs to me that I really should drag more of my Cill brothers and sisters in here.

 

Beltaine

I missed the first half of the group shift for Beltaine…I tend to do this, for some reason. I suck at holidays. I celebrate them on the astrological date, so I wind up doing things on a different day than everyone else, and I forget the ’standard’ holiday.

I’m not doing as much this shift as I usually do; it’s been a busy week, and a busy day. I’m exhausted, and I’m not feeling well. I really need some rest. Yesterday I got my new Celtic Women CD, and I love it!!! I had a therapy session today, and it went really well, although my anxiety is starting to kick up again. This happens when I get tired. It sucks.

My new Tarot cards came yesterday and I did some work with them tonight, but nothing much. Just to get a ‘feel’ for them. I want to do more with them soon, and I also am interested in learning to throw cowrie…not sure I’ll do much with that, but it interests me. My main interests are Runes and Tarot.

I’ve been doing some creative work, making skins for a friend’s forum. I am thinking about making necklaces for the Gwyddoniad, or bracelets, that say WSSL. If I have more energy tomorrow, I might see what I can do with that. I’m thinking engraved beads.

 

The Heron

A poem, and also, perhaps, a prayer, indirectly related to Brighid.

steady and tall

a heron wades deep

still in slow waters

gazing down into depths

holding wisdom

pearls to be uncovered

I can only dive so far

I can only stand so tall

but I stand with you

I fly with you

 

Some More Good Stuff

My shift ended at sunset today. I was not able to post this during, as my power went out, so here we are.

Last time I didn’t know what I would be doing, and I wound up  starting this blog. This shift was very much the same. Since last shift, I have taken the Tuatha oath and officially joined the Gwyddonic Order as a seeker. I started out this shift focused on healing for a few close friends.

Right before I did my shift work, I was outside, and found a stick that would be perfect for a wand. It’s beautiful. After I did the ritual part of my work, I started on the wand. I started by shaping the end, shaving the bark off, and shaping some small bits of branches that were sticking out. I ’sanded’ the whole thing with steel wool (I didn’t have sandpaper) and then I finished it with some wood floor treatment. I then wrapped the handle with dark reddish brown leather. (The wand is willow, so it’s pale, in sharp contrast with the leather).

Today when I got home from work, I found that not only had my athame that I ordered come, so did all of my incense, AND my laptop bag. I was not expecting this as I only ordered the stuff on Tuesday. I was amazed. The athame needed some minor work on it, and some major energy work. As soon as that was done I grew to love it.

For my indigo body paint, that I do every shift, I mixed the indigo up stronger than I usually do. I got a much darker stain and even achieved a multi-tonal design. That’s a first! I’m  happy. Next time I’d like to try it in combination with some India ink.